There but not There

My past and present were blurred together. I couldn’t separate them.

School, friends, Christmas Eve – my body was there, but my mind and soul were not.

It was the most isolating and alienating experience.

The lines between past and present blurred.

I struggled to ground myself in the now while battling the ghosts of my past.

That’s how it feels. There in body, but psychologically and emotionally numb.

The body remembers past traumas as if they are happening in the present moment.

Day-to-day life continues without you truly experiencing it.

It feels like watching yourself from a distance, detached and numb.

As if you are a character in a movie that you aren’t really a part of.

Existing is exhausting.

I had a deep desire to feel truly present again.

First, I reconnected with myself. Then, despite the fear, I reconnected with others.

For the first time, I felt every emotion fully.

Years of anguish burst out of me.

I wailed and screamed, hit myself, pulled my hair.

It was so intense I thought I might die.

But I didn’t – I began to live.

To reconnect is to step out of limbo where you merely exist. It’s the first step in choosing life.

After the anguished cries comes rage, then acceptance, and finally hope.

Hope gives you the strength to reconnect with others and take your place in the world.

A Journey of Healing

Healing is not linear.

Each day, I remind myself that I am more than my trauma.

I deserve to live fully in the present, free from the shadows of my past.

I try to find joy in the simple things.

The warmth of the sun on my face, the sound of laughter, the peaceful moments of solitude.

These moments remind me of the resilience and the strength I carry within.

On days when the past feels too heavy, ground yourself in the now.

Take deep breaths and anchor yourself in the present.

Allow yourself the grace to move at your own pace.

Every step is a testament to your courage.

Your past doesn’t define your future.

You are here now.

You are present.